Why Do I Feel Guilty Charging My Commission?

The other day I had a conversation with a Realtor who has been selling real estate for more than ten years.

She's smart. She's ethical. Her clients love her. She knows her market, writes great contracts, and works incredibly hard. Yet she confessed something that surprised me.

"I still struggle with my commission."

It's not because she doesn't believe in commission. Its not because she's had clients complain. She struggles with commission mostly when the home has a higher price tag.

As the sale price goes up, so does the percentage of commission, and a little voice in her head starts asking..."Did I really earn that much?" I smiled because I knew exactly what she meant. I've had that conversation with more agents than I can count. Especially women. I told her something that I hope she never forgets.

"You are the one who sets the price for your intangible value."

Think about that for a minute.

No one can touch your judgment. No one can measure your ability to calm a nervous seller, negotiate through a difficult inspection, anticipate problems before they happen, or guide someone through one of the biggest financial decisions of their life. Those things don't show up on an invoice. They don't have an hourly rate. They're intangible. And because they're intangible, many of us struggle to assign them value. I once had a conversation with a plumber that I work with often and he said that many customers try and tell him that he charges too much, He looks them straight in the eyes and says - "Oh, you know how much it costs to be a Master Plumber?" Then he said to me that they usually smile and the conversation shuts down real quick. Most people assume they know what the cost of things should be. They guess at what they think is reasonable without actually knowing the cost of your investment into your career.

What Are People Actually Paying For?

If your commission was based on hours worked, every transaction would cost something different. But that's not how this business works. Clients aren't hiring you because you can unlock a door or fill in blanks on a contract. They're hiring you because they don't know what you know. They're hiring your judgment. Your ability to negotiate. Your understanding of the market. Your network. Your communication. Your problem-solving. Your experience. Your ability to see problems before they become expensive mistakes. That's the value.

But Here's Where It Gets Interesting...

Remember our feelings don't come from circumstances—they come from our thoughts. The commission check isn't creating guilt. The thought is. Maybe the thought is:

"That's more money than anyone should make on one transaction."

Or...

"The seller worked harder for this money than I did."

Or...

"I hope they don't think I'm overpaid."

Those thoughts create guilt. And guilt changes our behavior. We apologize for our commission before anyone questions it. We discount our fee to make ourselves feel more comfortable. We side smile and sound guilty right off the bat when we are negotiating the commission. Our body language looks guilty. Shoulders are small and we shy away from looking the client in the eyes when we are sharing our strategy to them. We overwork because we're trying to prove we're worth what we're charging. We do more things for the client than we normally would - like sweep their basement floor or offer to paint a deck. I have had several agents in my offices do so many extras outside of their normal strategies to please the client. But what if the problem isn't the commission? What if it's the story we're telling ourselves about the commission?

Worth and Value Are Not the Same Thing

This is where I think we sometimes get stuck.

Your worth has nothing to do with your income.

Your value, however, absolutely has something to do with the problems you solve.

That's an important distinction. You don't des

erve a commission because you're a good person. You earn a commission because you create value.

So Why Do Some Agents Still Struggle?

Here's where I may differ a little from some mindset coaches.

Sometimes the thought creating our guilt isn't completely irrational.

Sometimes it comes from knowing we still have skills to build.

A newer agent may think:

"I'm not as good at negotiations yet."

"I haven't seen enough transactions."

"What if I miss something?"

Those thoughts don't necessarily mean you're an imposter. They may simply be pointing you toward growth. The answer isn't to lower your commission. The answer is to raise your competence. Study contracts. Practice negotiations. Role-play difficult conversations. Watch experienced agents. Learn your market so well that confidence starts replacing doubt. Every new skill becomes another piece of evidence that you bring value.

Confidence Doesn't Come From Experience Alone

Experience certainly helps. After twenty-seven years in real estate, I've seen enough transactions to know that I bring tremendous value to my clients. I didn't suddenly wake up one morning with confidence. Confidence came because every year I invested in becoming better. I started deciding to think better thoughts about how I could do a better job in everything I handled for the client. But I also practiced and failed a lot. I streamlined my processes and thought about the total client experience. I knew I was in flow or had found my sweet spot when the money started coming in and it was effortless. I don't mean effortless in the fact I wasn't working hard for the money - it was effortless when I thought less about me and I didn't spend a lot of time wondering what the client thought about me. I started to remove my ego filled thoughts and started providing as much value as the client needed to feel more than taken care of.

If you're newer in the business, don't wait for ten years to believe you're valuable.

Believe that the skills you have today help people, find the people that need you and commit to growing those skills every single year.

When you think - I've never listed a million-dollar property before, BUT I've listed hundreds of homes. I know how to prepare a CMA, negotiate, market a property, and communicate with clients. The people change in each scenario but the real estate skills transfer.

Your confidence will catch up to your competence.

And when it does, your commission won't feel like something you have to justify.

It will simply feel like fair compensation for the value you create.