You're Capable, but what's your Capacity?

Doing Hard Things IS the Way: How We Grow Our Capacity.

By Sally Luehman

Have you ever looked back at something that once felt completely overwhelming and thought, I can't believe that used to be hard for me?

I have.

And I've started to understand why.

Capability is what you CAN do. Capacity is how much you can handle.

Most of us are far more capable than we realize. The problem comes when we reach the edge of our current capacity and assume it means we're incapable.

After 27 years in commission sales, owning a real estate franchise, starting a coaching company, raising three sons, and navigating life as a wife, daughter, sister and friend, I've learned something:

My life didn't necessarily get easier. My capacity got bigger.

Sometimes You Need a Bigger Container

I think about capacity like a glass of water. Eventually the glass gets full.

Sometimes we absolutely need to stop pouring. We need rest, boundaries and recovery.

But sometimes the answer isn't less water.

Sometimes we need a bigger glass.

While recording my podcast about this, I remembered something from college that I hadn't thought about in years.

I was terribly homesick for my cat, so my mom mailed me a stuffed animal that looked like her. It was sweet—but it wasn't my cat.

My solution was to buy a couple of hermit crabs.

As they grew, I learned that you put larger empty shells in their tank. Eventually, a hermit crab leaves the shell it has outgrown and moves into one that fits.

There's a vulnerable moment in between.

The old shell isn't bad or broken.

It simply doesn't fit anymore.

I couldn't help laughing at the symbolism. I eventually became a REALTOR®, helping people find homes, and later a business coach, helping people develop the capacity for a bigger life.

Maybe those hermit crabs were my early career counselors.

The Biggest Thing I Could Imagine Doing THEN

I experienced my own version of leaving the shell when I started my real estate company.

I almost talked myself out of it.

I knew how to sell real estate. What scared me was knowing that once other agents trusted me enough to follow me, I couldn't simply quit when things got hard. Their livelihoods would become connected to the company I was building.

Then reality arrived.

I personally guaranteed a five-year lease on a new office space. The lease was twice my mortgage payment. I took out a second mortgage on my house to help fund the business.

And during those early months, I wrote 21 offers—and only four were accepted.

That's not exactly the inspirational entrepreneur montage they show you on Instagram.

But there was too much on the line to quit.

So I kept going.

At the time, that first office felt enormous. I genuinely thought it might be the biggest professional thing I would ever do.

It wasn't.

It was the biggest thing I could imagine doing THEN.

Since then, I've grown the company, led agents, opened another location, built a team and started a coaching company.

Looking backward, I can see something I couldn't see while I was living it:

Doing the hard things was building my capacity for the next hard thing.

Hard Things Introduce Us to Ourselves

Growing capacity isn't about cramming more work into an already exhausting life.

It's about becoming more able to hold what life brings.

More responsibility. More uncertainty. Bigger financial decisions. Difficult conversations. Criticism. Rejection. Leadership. Family responsibilities. And sometimes simply being willing to let someone be unhappy with you.

Hard things introduce us to parts of ourselves we haven't needed yet.

That's also why I believe self-trust matters so much.

Self-trust isn't believing you'll always make the right decision.

Self-trust is believing you'll be able to handle yourself when you don't.

That may be one of the greatest capacities we can develop.

Start Building Capacity Today

You don't have to reinvent your life.

Do one thing that makes you uncomfortable.

Have the conversation you've been avoiding. Walk into the room and introduce yourself. Learn something you don't know how to do. Make the decision you've been circling. Become a beginner again.

Choose a hard thing occasionally—not because you need more stress, but because you need more evidence.

Evidence that you can recover.

Evidence that you can figure things out.

Evidence that you can tolerate discomfort.

Evidence that you can trust yourself.

Every experience makes the container a little bigger.

I have what I call a never-retire mentality. I don't mean I'll necessarily be selling houses at 103—although at this rate, don't completely rule it out.

I mean I never want to retire from growing.

Because the things that feel enormous today may eventually become the things you do without thinking twice.

Just like that hermit crab, eventually the shell that once seemed enormous may become too small.

That doesn't mean something has gone wrong.

Maybe you've grown.

And maybe it's time to find a bigger shell.

Keep doing the hard things. Keep growing your capacity.